The Process of Growth
A big part of the growth process is acknowledging where you came from. As a child I lived in a predominantly Hispanic community, went to a mostly Black church and attended a mostly White affluent fundamental school. My elementary and junior high schools were a 40 minute (one way) city bus ride from our rented home. My mom knew the schools on the other side of town provided a better education so she waited in line all night in order to get us as close to the top of the waitlist so we could attend the elementary she wanted us to go to. From ages five through 13, I lived life in three very different worlds and was able to maneuver it until I decided in 8th grade it was more important to attend school in my neighborhood and feel comfortable and accepted than continue to try and fit in with a group of friends that I would never be able to relate to. Looking back I didn’t actually fit in anywhere outside of my home or with the cousins I grew up with.
The schools I went to before high school were as close to private school that the public school system had. Strict dress code, high academic achievement, difficult to get into and a social environment that was difficult to navigate. I got made fun of by people that said they were my friends, which led to me deciding I wanted nothing to do with them once I confronted them and they didn’t care that my feelings were hurt by their words and actions. Those “friendships” reinforced the ideology that hierarchy and social status establish a level of importance in the world.
Growing up, I didn’t really know anyone in my neighborhood because I didn’t go to school with any of the kids I lived near. I used to play with the kids that lived around the block when I wasn’t with my cousins. It was fun and we all got along. I felt more isolated when I participated in city recreation programs, attended The Girls Club (before they integrated), or ventured to the local pools. My community was mostly Hispanic and Spanish speaking. My softball teammates would speak to me in Spanish. I didn’t speak Spanish but it didn’t matter. The expectation was I would figure it out. This wasn’t always the case in activities I participated in but it was the world I had to navigate. Have you ever had people expect you to integrate into a culture without understanding it–and I am talking about food, language, etc.? I used to go and play with the girl next door and sometimes we would hang out in her room and other times we’d watch telenovelas. Every now and then she would ask me if I understood the storyline (I didn’t) and that was it. Writing this makes me chuckle because despite the language barriers, it didn’t impede our friendship.
Another big aspect that contributed to my growth process came from church. Some of my best and worst memories were growing up in church but some of my most loving and lasting relationships were and are from growing up in the church we attended for decades. Between Sunday service, choir rehearsal, youth group and special events, we were at church a lot. My family was not one amongst the popular crowd, which kept us at an arm's distance at times but we participated and were very involved with the youth group. There are several reasons as to why my mom was not in the “in” crowd which I thought was so important at my young age. No one ever asked but I think part of it stemmed from everyone assuming that my mom was a single parent –status. She wasn’t but my dad never attended or came to church. Status, it didn’t matter (to me) at school but for some reason it did at church. Church is where I learned that money and influence mattered.
My younger years are some of the most cemented in my memory. Mom kept us busy and involved to protect us from some of the dysfunction that existed. My dad struggled with alcohol and substance use. There was a stint in prison and (several) drug rehab homes. We had different family members live with us off and on throughout my childhood (mind you: we lived in a three bedroom, one bathroom house as a family of five). Through it all, my parents never divorced and are still married to this day. My mom told me once that marriage has peaks and valleys, you have to remember the peaks to fight your way through the valleys. I understand that now, but it was hard to comprehend growing up. Really hard to conceptualize.
I’ve barely touched the surface of my upbringing, but I do acknowledge that my upbringing and childhood experiences strongly shaped who I am today. I recall the first question I was asked when I was interviewing for my first admin job. You know, the standard question of “tell us a little bit about yourself and why you are seeking a leadership position.” My answer was, “statistically speaking, I should not be sitting in front of all of you right now.” Considering everything the research says and what we know about ACEs, that statement is absolutely true.
I don’t think the interview panel was ready or expecting me to actually say that. I didn’t say it for shock and awe, I said it because I acknowledge and accept all the adversity that has led me to where and who I am today. I consider myself to be a pretty transparent and “real” person. I wholeheartedly believe that if you stay true to yourself, you will never have to fake who you are in front of others. That doesn’t mean be an open book, but it does mean be authentic.
I had a unique journey into administration. I never in a million years thought I would be in this position. I knew I wanted to be a counselor my senior year of high school. My high school counselor was pivotal in helping me navigate the college admissions process. I wanted to be able to do that for other kids. After working with youth in group homes, juvenile detention, and as a therapist, I finally landed my dream job. I loved holding a guidance counseling position for the twelve years I did the job but I realized in year ten that I wanted to have a more systemic impact on the structure I was working within. I wanted to impact more kids within the educational system versus only the students I had the pleasure to work with on my caseload. I have been in administration for eight years now but I am still a counselor in my current job. I guess you could say it's in my blood, and honestly, I believe it makes me a better administrator.
How did I grow into this position? I am a sponge and like to surround myself with others that are more knowledgeable and don’t limit themselves to the restraints that others place on them. My interactions with others are typically quiet initially. How do you learn from others if you aren’t listening? I find those people and create relationships with them which in some cases led to them being my mentors. I have several mentors and they don’t just educate me on aspects of my job, but other things that make me a better individual all around. There is always someone that is smarter than you in the room or the organization in which you work.
Each one of the environments I navigated as a kid has had a purpose in my life. Different cultures and environments gave me such a rich perspective, a huge part of my growth process. Going to schools across town helped me learn to question what an authentic relationship was. My neighborhood brought me clarity that barriers, although sometimes hard to navigate at times, can still lead to memorable friendships. My church helped me learn that outward appearances can skew perspectives until you get to know a person.
When I question others it is mostly out of curiosity (to learn), but there are instances where I question to defy conformity. We live in a world where some believe that dressing a certain way equates to your skills and ability. For instance, I was invited to be a member on a hiring panel. It stated in the invitation to dress professionally. My first thought–if I have the skills and ability to receive an invitation to vet the hiring of an individual that will have a major impact on an institution, why does it matter what I wear? You have already told me my value when I was selected. What I wear has nothing to do with my intellectual capacity to think, analyze, and process. Maybe my brain works in a different way, but that is the first thought that came to mind when I read that “requirement”.
Some never question parameters or requirements and just do what others ask or is expected, but if what someone is asking you to do does not make sense, why not ask the question? It’s how systemic change is made. That IS the growth process. There are those that like to be told exactly what to do or just go with the flow, which is fine in some cases, but what about when the direction is coming from a harmful place? Meaning it’s in place to benefit someone or something else and your lack of push perpetuates the harm.
We grow OR promote leaders in education. This does not just show up in the classroom, but with our staff as well. In a conversation I had with a teacher recently, they stated: “This is just what I think. I can do whatever you want me to do. I don’t have a problem with that either.” I responded: “We need your perspective in this space, otherwise we aren’t addressing or considering the thoughts of others.” Hearing a variety of voices is always better than the loudest voices. That way, everyone has a voice.