Practice Who You Want To Be
When I think about the concept of practice who you want to be, I would call myself a failure although I strive not to be. My thoughts are more aligned with my actions, but boy is it hard. That is why practice is so important. I consider myself a lifelong learner. We all should, but especially if we are in the field of education. This field in particular is one of the most difficult to change at the ground level. I don’t say this to be critical of teachers, building leaders, district administrators, etc. I say this because of how antiquated public education can be.
Think about it… do you have the same smartphone you initially bought once flip phones were considered outdated? Do you remember when seeing a new release meant heading to Blockbuster or your local video store early on a Friday night because there were only so many copies available or when Nexflix would send the next movie on your wishlist once you returned the DVD (in its correct sleeve) you currently had? Fast forward to our current world of some homes no longer having cable due to the evolution of streaming sites.
Now ask yourself, does education evolve like this and keep up with technology’s ever changing personality? Outside of three year computer rotations and educational platforms, what about education stays on track with the rest of the world's constant need to be first and the best?
It’s interesting to think about the concept of change in education. Some aspects that should change do not. Other aspects that don’t need to change, do. Sometimes we think change is fixing something, but really it is just giving us the illusion that we are fixing something. The issues in education are much deeper than a quick change. When you throw a rock into a river, you can see the ripples. It can look dramatic, but really, you’ve done nothing to change the course of the water. That unfortunately is the landscape of the system our youth are pushed through.
Does education keep up with the world's evolution? No, It doesn’t. But it can on a more macro level than one’s individual classrooms. There are some in the profession that chose to practice and evolve as the world does and others that expect the same types of students to show up in their classrooms as they did when they first started teaching decades ago. I strive not to be that person. I strive to be the person that will never ask their staff to do something I wouldn’t do myself.
At the start of the 2021-22 school year, we launched our work centered round culturally responsive practices with an emphasis on learning partnerships. Students were returning to campus after being at home for one and a half years and we knew effective learning partnerships would be critical for both teachers and students. What goes into our planning doesn’t always translate perfectly. By October, everyone was exhausted, frustrated, and defeated. Including myself. At our November professional development meeting for our staff, I made the decision to “speak my truth,” as that was in alignment with the work we were doing. This was not what Nate and I had initially planned for this PD session, but it was needed. The hardest part of planning PD: Balancing deeper learning with providing teachers with what they need. Just like with students in the classroom.
The slide deck we presented discussed emotion fatigue along with information regarding the discipline issues we were managing on a daily basis. I say “manage” because we were putting out fires all day, every day, since day one and there was no relief. Teachers often don’t know the goings on outside of their classrooms. After presenting the stats and painting a better picture of the current school environment outside of the classroom, I grabbed the mic and addressed our staff.
“It is good to finally see all of you in person and in the same setting. Being able to speak live and not on Zoom or Google Meet truly makes me happy. We haven’t been together like this since March of 2020. With that said, most of you may not know this about me, but I am a very private person and an introvert. I compartmentalize my job and homelife in order to maintain healthy boundaries. I don’t believe in asking you all to do something with your students that I would not do with mine, which is all of you. On Saturday (four days prior), I was creating a LinkedIn account and going to leave this profession. My plan was to quit and not finish out the year. No job lined up. No clue what my next steps were going to be. But I knew I couldn’t do this anymore. I wanted out of education. As you can see, I did not do that. I have never in my life felt the way I did the past several weeks to the point of giving up. I am not a quitter. I had to sit down and figure out why I was so desperate to escape. I landed on being unbalanced. If I am not in alignment physically (working out), mentally (sleeping well) or spiritually, I don’t do well. And I need all three equally to manage and maintain. The number of fire alarms, fights/violent incidents, substance issues, sub shortages, COVID testing/tracking, etc. that we have had to manage on top of run the school is more than any of us can handle. Why am I disclosing this to you? Because if I have been feeling like this, I know that some of you have as well. I don’t want any of you to feel like you need to handle this burden in isolation. No one could have predicted our school year to start and continue to be like this. I try to practice what I dream will show up in every classroom.”
As I reflect on this, it takes me back to the summer trip we took just before and a very specific incident that I still think about today. In July of the same year, my family went on a road trip to California to visit family and have some fun. Although many memories were created, one sticks out as profound. We were eating lunch at Dirty Birds in San Diego. Good food was eaten, and we had just paid the bill. The manager came over and said to us, “Some people think this is strange of me to do, but with all the uncertainty in the world right now, I believe we can get through this by being kind to one another. I believe that is the path to change. Please share with your family that I wish them a happy holiday.”
Why was this profound? It was the day before the 4th of July. The manager was an older white gentleman addressing a Black family of four that he has never met or interacted with in his life. It is an understatement to say that we weren’t used to these kinds of interactions.
I didn’t want the significance of this moment to be lost on my kids, so I brought it up to them when we were back in the car. My son, who was 11 at the time, didn’t know what the manager had meant by his statement. My daughter, 14, said “I think he was talking about the shooting today, but I’m not sure.” She eventually added that he also could’ve been referring to the racial unrest in the country, the Roe Vs. Wade ruling, and the gun violence. The conversation got pretty extensive as we had to break things down for my son who had never heard of some of the events (or words) we were discussing. He is also an intrinsic thinker who avoids conversations that are uncomfortable–namely ones that involve violence and conflict. My daughter, being in high school and more attuned to social justice issues, had the understanding to be able to contribute.
As my daughter pointed out, there are any number of reasons why the manager might have said what he said. It’s an unfortunate reality. But the extensiveness of the challenges we face as a society is not my takeaway. Instead, I found the interaction at Dirty Birds so profound because I believe it was the manager's way of acknowledging that we live in a world that can be better if we all take steps towards unity together.
Why was addressing my staff and the manager doing the same parallel experiences? On the surface, they are worlds apart–one is a conversation at a restaurant, the other is a professional presentation to a staff of 100 educators but the clear connection was we both understood that stagnation can be crippling. Reflection and action take practice and continued refinement. We both decided it was more important to bravely speak openly than keep our beliefs hidden. What happened during PD and in San Diego were two people speaking their truth and practicing who they want to be.
Practicing who you want to be creates a space for others to do the same. Most relationships are built in trust and honesty. If others can see the authenticity and openness one is willing to have, barriers come down and that’s when change is made. It also affirms that vulnerability is healthy and sometimes the only step towards happiness. I will continue to practice this.